All this “coronaquarantine” stuff has been kinda tough for me, but at the same time, it’s not been any different from previous school vacations, except for the fact that the very thought of being quarantined makes me feel worse about everything. I never go to parties, hangout with friends—not that I have a lot—or travel too much. I spend most my time in my computer or phone, browsing Reddit, Facebook and occasionally doing productive stuff. I don’t do homework until last minute—or simply don’t, sometimes—. I have really few online friends, and most of the time I don’t feel like chatting with them, because I rarely have social energy… I rarely have energy, most of the time I feel like a zombie, but that has changed a lot very recently, like a month ago, since I started taking more care of my health and sleep habits.
First stage. Identity crisis
As a result of mental isolation feel, poor sleep habits and non-motivation, I started feeling really unhappy and empty, and even experienced kinda like a mild and temporal depression. Depression and anxiety made me question a lot of things about my mental health and identity… so I ended up experiencing an identity crisis. I started wondering how many more fucking disorders I could have, reading the DSM-V and thinking I had everything. Along with that, I started reading about gender identities, and wondering how many of those terms better described me. I also had a fight with my mom—but everything is solved now—. It was an extremely overwhelming and exhausting experience, which fortunately ended after two weeks; in part because my psychiatrist clarified some of my doubts about my diagnosis, and I kinda felt happier and relieved.
I’ve also been struggling with online school assignments, since not having a schedule nor motivation—and in top of that, ADHD—, makes it extremely hard to get things done. I ended up not doing most of my assignments. I really miss normal school, in part also because it was my only distraction.
Second stage. Motivation
I really started feeling better and motivated to do stuff again, but I’ve been experiencing some weird mood swings throughout the day. In the morning I feel neutral; in the afternoon around lunchtime, I feel really happy and energetic; and in the evening I feel a bit depressed. But I feel way better than before, in general.
I’m starting to get into graphic design with Adobe Illustrator, talking to my few online friends—I also made a new online best friend, called Pau ❤️—, and trying to interact with other tech people. I built a Telegram and a Keybase bot with Golang and Docker. I created an IoT open team in Keybase with Daniel Fischer—he’s an amazing person—, called @iot_lemakers. I started some projects with Daniel and my HackLeón 2018 project teammate, Carlos. I created some cool designs and uploaded them to my new Bēhance portfolio, I opened a new Mastodon account in mastodon.social, then moved to cybre.space two days ago; and I’ve been trying to interact as much as possible. I also started watching Netflix series by the end of the first stage—alone and in English—, including The End of The F***ing World—which I really loved— and the first season of You so far—which I really loved as well—. I also fixed and updated this blog yesterday and I promise I’ll try to post as much as I can and write interesting stuff, not only about me and my stupid problems.
Update: IoT Lemakers is now moving to
+iot_lemakers:cybre.space in Matrix. [post]